Joust The Facts

Don't Know Much Geography ... Or College Sports, Either

At Yahoo! Sports, in a feature blog called "The Post Game," writer Max Thompson smugly makes fun of ESPN for putting up an image of Minnesota during a story on Wisconson athletes Ryan Braun of the Milwaukee Brewers and the Green Bay Packers stellar quarterback Aaron Rodgers.  I borrowed the picture and show it below.

Okay, so a geography-challenged intern in the ESPN graphics department put up the wrong state image.  That's bad.  You know what's also bad?  When the smug writer who makes fun of it goofs up in the same post. 

"Wisconsin hockey is ranked #1 in the nation."  Err, no.   Teams that are currently 5-8-1 overall do not get ranked #1.  In fact, in the most recent USCHO poll not only are the Badgers not in the top 20, they're not even listed as "also receiving votes."  The honor, #1 in the nation, goes to Coach Mark Dennehy's mighty Merrimack College Warriors, of North Andover, Massachusetts.

If you're going to poke fun at ESPN, you'd better make sure you don't have any glaring, easily refudiatable* errors of your own.

*refudiatable -- I did that intentionally.

11/25/11 1305: You know, I knew I should have grabbed a screen-cap.  Check out the story now and the reference to the Badgers as #1 in hockey is gone.  Vanished into the internet memory hole, with no inkling of the prior error.  Here it is below as it now stands.  The reference to Badger hockey used to reside in the first paragraph.

Move Over Steve Forbes: Obama Endorses Flat Tax?

Quoted in James Taranto's indispensible "Best Of The Web" today, Barack Obama does seem to be strongly endorsing a flat tax.*

"Yeah, right," I hear you say.  "Don't mess with us, Giacomo.  This guy's all about class warfare and redistribution and you expect us to believe he really wants a flat tax?"

Absolutely.  From the speech he gave at yesterday's bit of demagoguery** in Cincinnati:

"Now, the Republicans, when I talked about this earlier in the week, they said, well, this is class warfare. You know what, if asking a billionaire to pay their fair share of taxes, to pay the same tax rate as a plumber or a teacher is class warfare, then you know what, I'm a warrior for the middle class."

You see?  He wants billionaires to pay the "same tax rate" as a plumber or teacher.  The very same rate! Not only that, but he defines paying the same rate as a "fair share" of taxes. Look I think this is something we can all get behind.  Let me hear you out there!  O-ba-ma!  O-ba-ma!  O-ba-ma!

*A flat tax, in case you have forgotten, is an income tax system where all taxpayers at all income levels pay the same percentage of their income in taxes.  For example, if the rate is 15% and you make $50,000 annually you would pay $7500 to the IRS.  If you made $5 million annually you would pay $750,000.

**If you want to see graphically just how classless and undignified is the Obama White House, check out the transcript of those remarks in Cincinnati a little more completely.  Here are two excerpts.

THE PRESIDENT:  We've got some folks I just want to make sure are acknowledged here today.  First of all, the Secretary of Transportation, Ray LaHood, is in the house.  Give him a round of applause.  (Applause.)  We've got the mayor of the great city of Cincinnati -- Mark Mallory is here.  (Applause.)  We've got the mayor of Covington, Mayor Denny Bowman.  (Applause.)  Senator Rand Paul is here.  

AUDIENCE:  Booo --

And this one:

Behind us stands the Brent Spence Bridge.  It’s located on one of the busiest trucking routes in North America.  It sees about 150,000 vehicles every single day.  And it’s in such poor condition that it's been labeled "functionally obsolete."  Think about that -- functionally obsolete.  That doesn’t sound good, does it?  

AUDIENCE:  Nooo!

THE PRESIDENT:  It’s safe to --

AUDIENCE MEMBER:  Kind of like John Boehner.  (Laughter.)

Now this, mind you, is the official White House transcript of the remarks, and they think it's appropriate to document that the audience of Obama sycophants and union goons booed Senator Rand Paul, and that an audience member, not an official speaker at the event, made a joke about Speaker John Boehner being "functionally obsolete."  As Russell used to say in Bill Cosby's "Fat Albert" cartoon, "You're from the NCAA.  No Class At All."

Recent American History In Early Computer Game-ese

From Iowahawk, natch.  (hat tip: Maetenloch at Ace of Spades)

YOU ARE IN AN OVAL OFFICE. YOU ARE BEHIND A DESK. YOUR APPROVAL HEALTH IS 55%. YOUR CONGRESS HAS 31% HEALTH. UNEMPLOYMENT IN THE FOREST IS 8.9% YOUR FRIEND AT HARVARD IS ARRESTED BY POLICEMAN.

>CALL POLICEMAN STUPID, PLAY RACE CARD

I'M SORRY, THAT DID NOT WORK. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?

>BEER SUMMIT, BLAME BUSH

YOU ARE IN AN OVAL OFFICE. YOU ARE BEHIND A DESK. ON THE DESK IS A TELEPHONE AND A TV. THE TELEPHONE RINGS. IT IS COPENHAGEN. YOU DO NOT GET THE OLYMPICS FOR CHICAGO. A PEASANT ON TV FROM CHICAGO CALLS FOR TEA PARTY REVOLT. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?

>NATIONALIZE HEALTHCARE

I'M SORRY, THIS NAME WILL NOT WORK. DO YOU WANT TO CALL IT SOMETHING DIFFERENT?

>REFORM HEALTHCARE

Oh, a couple of details are missing, but "BELTWAY ADVENTURE' seems to take us to this point fairly accurately.  It is funnier if you know the genre.  Did you ever see "Big" with Tom Hanks?

By the way, in looking at the options the game player in the Oval Office had to choose from, it did seem that the game was winnable.  Probably not anymore, as many in Congress are likely to find out.

Strange. I Thought Cheney Was The Violent One

Vice President Joe Biden may become the Delaware Strangler.

The vice president said “if I hear one more Republican tell me about balancing the budget, I am going to strangle them. To the press: that’s a figure of speech.” 

The Republicans’ new “Pledge to America,” he said, will increase the debt by $1 trillion. 

“These guys have absolutely no credibility, no credibility on debt,” he said. “Folks, look, we’ve seen this movie before. We’ve seen this movie. We know how it ends”

At the risk of my personal safety, I'm going to recommend that the Vice President have a look at Dan Mitchell's most recent video. (via Hot Air)

In reality, I don't think the VP is much of a threat to me.  I tested for and received 2nd Brown belt in Kenpo Karate this weekend.  I know several effective (and painful) escapes from choke holds.

Groundhog Day

Phil: What would you do if you were stuck in one place...and every day was exactly the same, and nothing that you did mattered?

Gus: That sums it up for me.

The important thing is not, of course, whether Phil sees his shadow (he did today - 6 more weeks of winter) but whether you have this great movie in your DVD collection to view it whenever life needs a pick-me-up.  I have a handfull of movies that fall into that category - The Hunt for Red October, Groundhog Day, Casablanca, Young Frankenstein, A Fish Called Wanda, On The Waterfront, Singin' In The Rain, to name a few.  But this time of year it's, understandably, Groundhog Day that does it.  Wisecracking Bill Murray with a spiritual message?  What could go wrong.  Here's 8 minutes to whet your appetite.

So go watch the movie, and drink a toast to Harold Ramis while you're at it.

So, So Funny. I Laughed 'Til I Stopped.

This simply must be posted.  I watched it last night with Gwendolyn, and we both were in tears. Jon Stewart masterfully skewers the Ministry of Truth Media while simultaneously doing the job they chose not to do.  I have to have it here.

Content warning for bleeped obscenities.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
The Audacity of Hos
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Healthcare Protests

Hat tip: Ed Morrissey at Hot Air.

Remember "The Al Franken Decade?"

Remember "The Al Franken Decade?"  The '70's had just ended, and Al Franken, then a writer and occasionally a performer for Saturday Night Live, began to call the 80's his own:

Jane Curtin: Well, the 1970's are in their final month, and with some thoughts on this decade and the one we're about to enter, here's Weekend Update's Social Sciences Editor Al Franken.

Al Franken: Thank you, Jane. Well, the "me" decade is almost over, and good riddance, and far as I'm concerned. The 70's were simply 10 years of people thinking of nothing but themselves. No wonder we were unable to get together and solve any of the many serious problems facing our nation. Oh sure, some people did do some positive things in the 70's - like jogging - but always for the wrong reasons, for their own selfish, personal benefit. Well, I believe the 80's are gonna have to be different. I think that people are going to stop thinking about themselves, and start thinking about me, Al Franken. That's right. I believe we're entering what I like to call the Al Franken Decade. Oh, for me, Al Franken, the 80's will be pretty much the same as the 70's. I'll still be thinking of me, Al Franken. But for you, you'll be thinking more about how things affect me, Al Franken. When you see a news report, you'll be thinking, "I wonder what Al Franken thinks about this thing?", "I wonder how this inflation thing is hurting Al Franken?" And you women will be thinking, "What can I wear that will please Al Franken?", or "What can I not wear?" You know, I know a lot of you out there are thinking, "Why Al Franken?" Well, because I thought of it, and I'm on TV, so I've already gotten the jump on you. So, I say let's leave behind the fragmented, selfish 70's, and go into the 80's with a unity and purpose. That's what I think. I'm Al Franken. Jane?

Jane Curtin: Thank you, Al. That's the news. Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow

Iowahawk does, except this time it's all about the NY Times' Thomas Friedman.  Mr. Friedman memorably wrote yesterday about the perils of one-party democracy, yearning for a China-style one-party autocracy that could satisfy the policy wishes of ... Thomas Friedman.  That the problem with Mr. Friedman's one-party democracy is that there's a second party that can and does object apparently escaped him, but not the sharp eye and pen of the Cato Institute's Will Wilkinson.

So where were we? Oh, yes: one-party democracy is aggravating because sometimes one party can’t do what it wants because the other party gets in the way. Sooo frustrating!!! Why have democracy at all when all you end up with is a single party stymied by the other one! And so it is that Friedman comes to wax romantic about communist central planning:

Oil!! We Need More Oil! And We Need To Burn It Now!

Quick, bring back those clunkers!  We need more CO₂, and we need it now.

Latif predicted that in the next few years a natural cooling trend would dominate over warming caused by humans. The cooling would be down to cyclical changes to ocean currents and temperatures in the North Atlantic, a feature known as the North Atlantic Oscillation (NAO).

Breaking with climate-change orthodoxy, he said NAO cycles were probably responsible for some of the strong global warming seen in the past three decades. (1) "But how much? The jury is still out," he told the conference. The NAO is now moving into a colder phase.

Latif said NAO cycles also explained the recent recovery of the Sahel region of Africa from the droughts of the 1970s and 1980s. James Murphy, head of climate prediction at the Met Office, agreed and linked the NAO to Indian monsoons, Atlantic hurricanes and sea ice in the Arctic. "The oceans are key to decadal natural variability," he said.

Another favourite climate nostrum was upturned when Pope warned that the dramatic Arctic ice loss in recent summers was partly a product of natural cycles rather than global warming. Preliminary reports suggest there has been much less melting this year than in 2007 or 2008.

In candid mood, climate scientists avoided blaming nature for their faltering predictions, however. "Model biases are also still a serious problem. We have a long way to go to get them right. They are hurting our forecasts," said Tim Stockdale of the European Centre for Medium-Range Weather Forecasts in Reading, UK.

Here's the executive summary of the highlighted sections of the preceding  5 paragraphs:

Although Al Gore has been very concerned with human-caused global warming (and has scared a lot of others with his hijinx) these scientists, who remain AGW believers, conclude that

1. the NAO is likely responsible for the "strong global warming seen in the past three decades"
2. NAO cycles also explain the recovery of the Sahel region of Africa from droughts
3. NAO cycles also are linked to Arctic sea ice, Atlantic hurricanes and Indian monsoons
4. as a result "much less" melting of Arctic sea ice has occurred this year
5. scientists admit that the biases in their models are a "serious problem" that is hurting their forecasts.

Those of you still hoping for the passage of Waxman-Markey, you still want to jump off the economic cliff?  Personally, I'm going out to find a 9 mpg Hummer, so I can help keep the earth warm.

hat tip: Ace, who makes this astute observation:

"In many ways we know more about what will happen in the 2050s than next year," said Vicky Pope from the UK Met Office.

Actually you don't. It's just that the 2050's are comfortably remote in time and you have greater confidence about making predictions that won't be disproven for 40 years.

What My Kids Are Watching

I mean, besides the destruction and flooding of 30% of our home, and the impending health care train wreck.

 

It's the Pink Panther!

Sometimes I think there's hope for them.  By the way, they also love the Christmas present I bought myself last year.  Ah, the classics.

A Senator Kennedy Guest Editorial, from Iowahawk

So, yes, of course it's brilliant, excruciatingly funny, and yes, it does involve water.

Previously, in Senator Kennedy's series.

My hat's off to you, David.

Rest Assured, Many Of Us Had Little Doubt

Members of the mainstream press, however, have not seen any flaws to this point, though it's not due to the absence of such flaws.  "57 States?"

Husbands of the world rejoice!

President Barack Obama, who has seemed to set an impossibly high bar for many men when it comes to dealing with their wives, has finally stumbled — and in a very public way.

“I don’t know if anybody else will meet their future wife or husband in class like I did, but I’m sure that you’re all going to have wonderful careers,” he said as he warmed up the audience before delivering a commencement speech at an economics school in Moscow Tuesday.

Obama seemed to be playing off an introduction that referred to him meeting his future wife, Michelle Robinson, while he was a student. But the truth is that the couple met not “in class” but at a law firm in Chicago, Sidley Austin, in 1989.

The reverence is palpable, isn't it?  Mr. Gerstein is certainly full of ... something.  "Impossibly high bar for many men?"  Not for this blogger.  I doubt Gwendolyn is in such awe of their relationship.  Maybe we should coin a neologism to signify such worship?  Call it an "Obasm."

A Christmas Tail

On a reindeer.  Named Rudolph.

The commission established the following narrative of events:

Rudolph suffers from an unusual swelling and discoloration of the nose.

Medical doctors who examined him at the commission's request concluded that his disability is not due to any known medical condition.

For one thing, his nose is too shiny. Witnesses testified that some “would even say it glows,” raising the possibility of radiation poisoning. That was ruled out through the use of a Geiger counter. A diagnosis of congenital disfigurement is accepted by the commission.

Civil Rights are no laughing matter.  Er, did David Burge write this?

Merry Christmas, everyone.

A Little Light Reading

Sen. Evan Bayh, possible VP nominee, on the national security props of fellow senator Barack Obama:

"He has a history of thinking beyond the horizon, anticipating the kind of challenges we face," said Bayh, who campaigned for Obama's former rival, Democratic Sen. Hillary Clinton, during their race for the party's nomination but has since thrown his support to Obama.

That history must be pretty light reading.  It, of course, couldn't include his assessment of the possiblity of success of the surge, for example.  Actually, Senator Bayh's quote was truncated by Reuters.**  The full quote is below.

"He has a history of thinking beyond the horizon, anticipating the kind of challenges we face, and being 180 degrees off the mark.  When the training wheels come off sometimes you're going to fall."

I'll leave this with an open-ended question.  When, precisely, has he demonstrated thinking "beyond the horizon," and been correct in his assessment on a national security issue?

** Not really.

Friday Night Funny

So I'm watching the Celtics struggle ... again ... in this evening's tilt with the Philadelphia 76ers, and shlumping around the net (or is that schlumping?) and I come across two side-splittingly amusing posts.  The first from Iowahawk (ht:AoS), requires a little research.  You'll need to be familiar with this article, anecdotal evidence at best.  Then read the Iowahawk version.  Best satirist, bar none.

The second is this, and it's brilliant.  (content warning for language in the subtitles)

Wow.  I didn't know he was that big a fan.

Hillary Dead

No, not that Hillary, this Hillary.

WELLINGTON, New Zealand - Sir Edmund Hillary, the unassuming beekeeper who conquered Mount Everest to win renown as one of the 20th century's greatest adventurers, has died, New Zealand Prime Minister Helen Clark announced Friday. He was 88.

The gangling New Zealander devoted much of his life to aiding the mountain people of Nepal and took his fame in stride, preferring to be called "Ed" and considering himself just an ordinary beekeeper.

"Sir Ed described himself as an average New Zealander with modest abilities. In reality, he was a colossus. He was an heroic figure who not only 'knocked off' Everest but lived a life of determination, humility, and generosity," Clark said in a statement.

"The legendary mountaineer, adventurer, and philanthropist is the best-known New Zealander ever to have lived," she said.

Kind of the opposite of his "namesake."  I forget.  Was he named for her, or was she named for him?  A "little white lie" indeed.

And then there's this.  Check out the screen shot of the story as I read it.

Sleep?!! Now He Tells Us

Well, maybe our sleep-deprived brains can remember this advice next year.

                        SUNDAY, Dec. 23 (HealthDay News) -- Many people sacrifice sleep in order to complete all their shopping, decorating, cooking and other holiday preparations. But a lack of sleep can reduce your ability to enjoy the season, warns Dr. Alejandro D. Chediak, president of the American Academy of Sleep Medicine.

"In order to best enjoy the holiday season, anticipate and budget the extra time needed to carry out your holiday 'to-do' list. Getting an early start and doing a little bit each day will save time and relieve stress. Delaying your 'to-do' list until the last possible minute not only leads to sleep loss, it also makes one contend with heavier street traffic and more aggressive crowds in stores," Chediak said in a prepared statement.

Other useful tips include avoiding drinking and driving, pulling off the road for a catnap when you're tired, and avoiding caffeine late at night.

Study Confirms Habits

Housework could pose health hazards, says the study.

LONDON (Reuters) - Housework might be bad for your health, according to a study suggesting that tidying up as little as once a week with common cleaning sprays and air fresheners could raise the risk of asthma in adults.

The study found that the risk of developing asthma increased with the frequency of cleaning and the number of different sprays used but on average was about 30 to 50 percent higher in people exposed to cleaning sprays at least once a week.

While air fresheners, furniture cleaners and glass-cleaners had the strongest effect, the researchers said the study did not determine what biological mechanism sparked the increase.

Especially only for men, says Giacomo.

(ack!  I can't believe I blew the punchline.  Serves me right for writing while tired.)

Chafee And Rhode Island

So Lincoln Chafee, former senator from Rhode Island, has quit the party.  It truly is a sad day, one that demonstrates in spades the depths to which the GOP has sunk.  Ummm, actually, I jest.

PROVIDENCE — Lincoln D. Chafee, who lost his Senate seat in the wave of anti-Republican sentiment in last November’s election, said yesterday that he has left the party.

Chafee said he disaffiliated with the party he had helped lead, and his father had led before him, because the national Republican Party has gone too far away from his stance on too many critical issues, from war to economics to the environment.

“It’s not my party any more,” he said.

Chafee’s departure is another step in the waning of the strain of moderate Republicanism that was once a winning political philosophy from Rhode Island and Connecticut to the Canadian border. For the first time since the Civil War, the six New England states combined now have only one Republican U.S. House member, Connecticut’s Christopher Shays.

Chafee said he disaffiliated from the party “in June or July,” making him an unaffiliated voter. He did so quietly, and until yesterday, he said, “No one’s asked me about it.” He said he made the move because “I want my affiliation to accurately reflect my status.”

Well, he hinted at this move after his loss last year, which made the NY Times suggestion that he be appointed to replace John Bolton at the UN even more amusing.  But you have to remember several things in order to digest this.  First, Chafee's state is Rhode Island, home of the worst drivers in the nation.  The only reason he won in the first place was because he carried his father's famous name running as an appointed incumbent.  He lives in a state just as reliably Democratic as Massachusetts, home to the second worst drivers.  Second, if he's even remotely considering winning back his seat it wasn't going to happen as a Republican.  How do you cover up for the change?  You badmouth the party you're leaving.

It'd be a more significant statement were he to have done it after winning, rather than after losing.

Saturday Morning Funny

Perhaps the funniest single sentence I've read in a blog post in some time, from a congressman who is also a physician no less.

I'm looking forward to seeing Sicko soon, and I hope it will serve as the kind of wake-up call for Washington on the need for serious health-care reform that Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth has been on the urgent issue of global warming.

This is, unfortunately, an on-call weekend, with a bevy of other activities and responsibilities packed in, and as a result I don't have time to do justice to this nonsense now.  Let's just say the only thing that would have made it more amusing would have been if he'd included Leni Reifenstahl's Triumph Of The Will in the list, and that if we're going to seriously talk about health care reform then giving weight to Mr. Moore's propaganda - pun intended - is not helpful in the least.  I certainly hope that Dr. Kagan doesn't want to emulate the Cuban system.

I Was Sure He Didn't Have Another Fifty Years In Him

A sports drama featuring The Rocket, with a very special guest appearance by the brain of George Steinbrenner.  Enjoy.

Presidential Aspirations

Now here's a candidate that I could support.

I have not taken this decision lightly. When considering a run for public office, the first thing a candidate must ask himself is: what can I, as newly elected public servant, expect to get out of this deal?  I have researched this question thoroughly, and believe me: being President is a pretty sweet gig. Not only does it pay 400 large, it has plenty of perks including "three hots and a cot," and the world's most fearsome military force at my disposal.

The second thing a candidate must ask is: am I qualified for the position? Let's look at the facts. First, I am a native-born citizen of the United States. Second, I am over 35 years old. Third, I have never had a felony conviction stick beyond the appeals court. And Mister, if that's good enough for the Constitution of the United States, then that's good enough for me. Google it.

Oh, he's got some darn fine policy positions, too.

The Environment

The scientific debate is over: man-made global warming is real. Finally! This means we can now stop paying for all those expensive redundant research projects to prove global warming. Not only will this save over $2 billion dollars per year in federal spending, we will see significant reductions in CO2 as unemployed global warming scientists sell off their Volvos and move to mud huts.

Iowahawk for President '08!  It's got a nice ring to it.

6/6/07 1800: On the other hand, I thought I was most qualified.

Strange Neighbor

The state next door does some very strange things.  They let their teens run around unclothed in public.  They kill the goose that lays the golden egg by taxing their number one industry, skiing, so heavily that one resort town wanted to carve itself out and become part of the next state.  They elected a socialist to the US Senate.  And now they want to leave the United States with only 49 stars on the flag.

MONTPELIER -- At Riverwalk Records, the all-vinyl record store just down the street from the state Capitol, the black "US Out of Vt.!" T-shirts are among the hottest sellers.

But to some people in Vermont, the idea is bigger than a $20 novelty. They want Vermont to secede from the United States -- peacefully, of course.

Disillusioned by what they call an empire about to fall, a small cadre of writers and academics is plotting political strategy and planting the seeds of separatism.

They've published a "Green Mountain Manifesto" subtitled "Why and How Tiny Vermont Might Help Save America From Itself by Seceding from the Union." They hope to put the question before citizens at Town Meeting Day next March, eventually persuading the state Legislature to declare independence, returning Vermont to the status it held from 1777 to 1791.

You mean we'd have to pay foreign import taxes on cheddar cheese and Ben & Jerry's ice cream?  Hmmm.

But there are plenty of skeptics.

"It doesn't make economic sense, it doesn't make political sense, it doesn't make historical sense. Other than that, it's a good idea," said Paul Gillies, a lawyer and Vermont historian.

[...]

"We're normal human beings," said Williams, 39, a history professor at Champlain College. "But we're serious about this. We want people in Vermont to think about the options going forward. Do you want to stay in an empire that's in deep trouble?"

Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

The Nailbiters Against The Bedwetters?**

There's a Democratic Presidential debate tonight.  Sorry, I'll be watching the Red Sox/Yankees matchup, featuring Josh Beckett for Boston, and the penultimate episode of The Sopranos.  You can consider this an open thread on the latter.

My prediction: Tony will order a hit on Phil at the same time that Phil orders a hit on Tony.  In the final episode the Feds will come to the rescue, saving Tony while taking down Phil, and AJ will figure into the resolution prominently after emerging from his inpatient therapy.

(click the double asterisks to follow the link for an explanation of the title)

Make Up Your Minds

Does Al Qaeda want American troops out of Iraq?

CAIRO, Egypt - An American member of al-Qaida warned President Bush on Tuesday to end U.S. involvement in all Muslim lands or face an attack worse than the Sept. 11 suicide assault, according to a new videotape.

[...]

Gadahn, who appeared in an al-Qaida video last September in which he called on Americans to convert to Islam, demanded that Bush remove all U.S. military and spies from Islamic countries, free all Muslims from U.S. prisons and end support for Israel. He said a withdrawal of U.S. troops from Iraq alone would not satisify al-Qaida.

Or do they want us to stay?

In a new video posted today on the Internet, al Qaeda's No. 2 man, Ayman al Zawahri, mocks the bill passed by Congress setting a timetable for the pullout of U.S. troops in Iraq.

"This bill will deprive us of the opportunity to destroy the American forces which we have caught in a historic trap," Zawahri says in answer to a question posed to him an interviewer.

Continuing in the same tone, Zawahri says, "We ask Allah that they only get out of it after losing 200,000 to 300,000 killed, in order that we give the spillers of blood in Washington and Europe an unforgettable lesson."

Perhaps it would be best to get your stories straight before releasing any more tapes.  This is getting a bit confusing, and the Democratic-controlled Congress will need to know exactly what you want them to pass.

I Could Be President ...

... at least I thought I could, until I got to number 16 on the list.  Golf is good, Professor.  Very good.  Let's just change that one to "Doesn't golf, except if he/she carries, and can hit, a two iron off the deck."  And there is the kid thing, too.

I'll agree with him on The Who and Bruce, though.

Beyond Parody

When I first saw this story I had one question.  Did Iowahawk write it?

OTTAWA (AFP) - A former Canadian defense minister is demanding governments worldwide disclose and use secret alien technologies obtained in alleged UFO crashes to stem climate change, a local paper said Wednesday.

"I would like to see what (alien) technology there might be that could eliminate the burning of fossil fuels within a generation ... that could be a way to save our planet," Paul Hellyer, 83, told the Ottawa Citizen.

Alien spacecrafts would have traveled vast distances to reach Earth, and so must be equipped with advanced propulsion systems or used exceptional fuels, he told the newspaper.

Such alien technologies could offer humanity alternatives to fossil fuels, he said, pointing to the enigmatic 1947 incident in Roswell, New Mexico -- which has become a shrine for UFO believers -- as an example of alien contact.

"We need to persuade governments to come clean on what they know. Some of us suspect they know quite a lot, and it might be enough to save our planet if applied quickly enough," he said.

Is this the end-stage of a "Man-made global warming" psychosis.  If so, Al "Carbon Bigfoot" Gore is halfway there.

My Funny Valentines

One version with some serious music.

One version, not so serious.

Enjoy, and Happy Valentine's Day to all my funny Valentines at home on this snowy day.

Howie Carr Reads The Christmas Mail

Howie Carr, Boston radio personality and columnist for the Boston Herald, annually takes a look at - and makes fun of - yuppie Christmas letters.  You know the kind, where all of the perfect children and their perfect parents have a simply perfect year leading up to a perfect Christmas.  I have to admit, the excerpts he chooses are excruciatingly amusing.

The extremely talented writers are all on the boards of “nonprofits,” they have solo art exhibits, they belong to “reformed” churches and they volunteer at the homeless kitchen. Did I mention most of them are rolling in cash.

On May 1,” Cindy and Todd report, “we began provisioning our 45-foot motor yacht ‘Mistress’ for an extended cruisse."

Only 45 feet? You pikers! Or should that be “You pikers!!!!” Because no yuppie Christmas-card writer would ever use one exclamation point when three more might suffice.

and

One noticeable trend this year: Obama-mania. Watch out Hillary!!!! As Helene put it, “We are still mired in an unjust war but there is hope.” Writing from the Buckeye State, Julia is enthralled by the rout of “the Ohio Taliban.” An 84-year-old lady who says she’s for “Duval Patick” adds, “I don’t despair for I just finished reading Barack Obama’s autobiography and I think I have found someone I can identify with.”

A little humor to lighten up your Christmas Eve day.

Top 5 Election Predictions!!

Showing the keen insight and incisive commentary that has made me famous throughout the blogosphere, here are my top 5 election predictions as the 2006 midterms get underway.

5.  After exorcising Mike Dewine in Ohio, the voters will finally look at Sherrod Brown, collectively slap their foreheads like Alec Guinness at the end of The Bridge on the River Kwai and, ashen-faced,  mutter Col. Nicholson's famous line, "My God, what have I done?"

4.  Militant leftist gays across America will struggle to find a new word for this.  (Note: not for the children, or anyone with a conscience or a sensitive stomach.)

3. Nancy Pelosi, on becoming Speaker of the House, will show up on the first day of the next Congress dressed as Lucy Van Pelt, carrying a football labeled "impeachment."

2.  More dead people than dogs will be found to have voted for Claire McCaskill in Missouri.

1.  We'll never hear the word 'macaca' again.

(cross-posted at The Right Place)

Top 5 Jokes/Comments Rejected ...

... by Kerry for his California speech.  They were just a bit much.

5.  "The military takes orders well.  I was talking to a private the other day and said 'look up' - he looked up.  'Look down' - he looked down.  'Look at my thumb...'"
4.  "Knock knock"  "Who's there?"  "Jen-jis Kahn"  "Jen-jis Kahn who?"  "You know, soldier, your role model, you robotic killing machine - and don't try to deny it!"
3.  "I support the troops - Lord knows they need it."
2.  "You know, I was with the troops in Iraq recently, and a staff sergeant was getting briefed about a local insurgent, who he was told liked to blow up cars.  The sergeant wanted to know if this terrorist ever burned his lips on the tailpipe."

And the number one rejected joke or comment by Senator Kerry

1.  "Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, soldier."

Looking On The Bright Side ...

... at least now we don't have to worry about global warming.  Scientists have determined that were using up the planet - its resources will be gone in a mere 44 years.

BEIJING (Reuters) - Humans are stripping nature at an unprecedented rate and will need two planets' worth of natural resources every year by 2050 on current trends, the WWF conservation group said on Tuesday.

Populations of many species, from fish to mammals, had fallen by about a third from 1970 to 2003 largely because of human threats such as pollution, clearing of forests and overfishing, the group also said in a two-yearly report.

"For more than 20 years we have exceeded the earth's ability to support a consumptive lifestyle that is unsustainable and we cannot afford to continue down this path," WWF Director-General James Leape said, launching the WWF's 2006 Living Planet Report.

I can't believe it.  No America bashing in a story about the environment.  Oh, wait, sorry, my bad.

"If everyone around the world lived as those in America, we would need five planets to support us," Leape, an American, said in Beijing.

This study was made absolutely vital after a large amount of oil was recently discovered in the Gulf of Mexico.  There is also conflicting data on food supplies from the Union of Concerned Scientists. 

A new technical interim report from the United Nations' Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO) concludes that the long-term food security outlook for developing countries is good. While the world population is expected to reach eight billion by 2030, growth in global agriculture should be more than sufficient to meet world demand.

The WWF is not the World Wrestling Federation (now known as the WWE) but the World Wildlife Fund - might they have an agenda?

Somewhere Paul Ehrlich is smiling.

Why did Ehrlich’s predictions fail to come true? Because the model he used, like almost all those who predict dire problems from population, was basically flawed. In a nutshell what Ehrlich did was take population growth for the 1960s and extrapolate it out through the 1970s, but he insisted production of resources such as food and water were at their limits -- both would likely decline, and certainly not increase.

Food production not only increased, but increased faster than population growth, so 27 years after the publication of The Population Bomb, not only are there many more people alive in the world, but they eat more than they did in the past. Water quality, which Ehrlich believed beyond repair, has also steadily improved.

In a related story, the members of the WWF have contributed to recovery of the planet by moving to Borneo, giving up their automobiles and IPods, and subsisting only on locally grown mangoes and coconuts.

Warning: Medical Humor

Not my specialty, but funny nonetheless. (my first effort at video - be patient)

Where's Beaks?

Looks like the news the Duke brothers have been waiting for.

Valentine and Winthorpe have their work cut out for themselves if the want to make a killing.

First Draft Discovered!

Iowahawk found the rough first draft of the Arizona 9/11 Memorial design.  Whew, I'm glad they went for a re-write.  Some samples:

• WHY DO THEY HATE US?  NOT "ME" US, I MEAN BUSH US.
• ASU HISTORY DEPARTMENT RULEZ
• CHICKENS COME HOME, ROOST, DUHHHH

The last was Ward Churchill's contribution, I'll bet.  Missing from the list due to space considerations: "9-11: REPUG PLOT TO WIN ELECTIONS."  Check 'em all out.

How Much Higher Could They Go?

Starbuck's is raising prices on their coffee drinks?

[Spokeswoman Valerie] O'Neil said the company decided to charge more because costs, including fuel and energy, are going up.

"It's not one specific thing. It's part of our ongoing evaluation of business costs," O'Neil said.

Starbucks' pricing varies based on the market, but the 5-cent price increase will be across the board, regardless of drink or part of the country, O'Neil said.

Currently, a tall, or 12-ounce, cup of Starbucks coffee costs between $1.40 and $1.65. Twelve-ounce lattes cost between $2.40 and $3.10, depending on the market, and a tall mocha costs between $2.70 and $3.40.

A venti double soy mocha latte with extra whipped cream will soon require submission of last year's W-2 form.  It's already a lot more expensive than a gallon of gas.

Laugh Of The Day

You've encountered them in every doctor's office, I'm sure.  We call it the "intake form," a summary of your medical history so that the physician seeing you knows what other medical conditions, treatments and history might influence the decision making.  Included in the form is a general review of systems, to help identify problems that might otherwise be forgotten.  This is a 'yes' or 'no' checklist, with space below to explain any 'yes' answers.  Kidney disease, weight loss or gain, GI problems, depression, just check off the problem, then explain it below.

A new patient came to my office today about a shoulder problem and, per routine, filled out the form before his visit.   He checked off 'yes' for 'depression or anxiety'.  The explanation caught me by surprise.

"Liberals depress me."

Real Life Cold Case

Solved?

BOULDER, Colo. - A man suspected in the slaying of 6-year-old beauty queen JonBenet Ramsey nearly a decade ago was arrested Wednesday in Thailand, the district attorney said in the long-awaited breakthrough in one of the nation's most lurid unsolved murder cases.

[...]

CBS reported that he is a 41-year-old second-grade teacher and will be brought back to the United States this weekend. Federal officials, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the man was already being held in Bangkok on unrelated sex charges.

Let's hope that this finally picks up all of the loose ends in this sad and sordid story.  Meanwhile, I guess it shows, after 10 years in this case, that there's still time for OJ to find the real killer.

Kind Of Explains Kobayashi

Hot dogs can cause genetic mutations?

Everyone knows hot dogs aren't exactly healthy for you, but in a new study chemists find they may contain DNA-mutating compounds that might boost one's risk for cancer.

[...]

Extracts from hot dogs bought from the supermarket, when mixed with nitrites, resulted in what appeared to be these DNA-mutating compounds. When added to Salmonella bacteria, hot dog extracts treated with nitrites doubled to quadrupled their normal DNA mutation levels. Triggering DNA mutations in the gut might boost the risk for colon cancer, the researchers explained.

"I won't say you shouldn't eat hot dogs," Mirvish said. Future research will feed hot dog meat to mice to see if they develop colon cancer or precancerous conditions, he explained.

Well, that's a relief.  As long as they don't include brats, I'm okay with it.  I wonder what brand Kobayashi eats?

Two I Can't Resist

Fluff stories make for easy blogging.  I generally stay away from them, but these two I just couldn't resist.  First, a London theme park had rented itself for a "Muslim Fun Day," only to see it cancelled due to lack of interest.

Alton Towers calls off "Muslim Fun Day"

LONDON (Reuters) - Britain's biggest theme park has called off the country's first "National Muslim Fun Day" because of lack of interest, the park said on Wednesday.

Alton Towers in Staffordshire was to open on September 17 for Muslims -- with halal food, a strict dress code and prayer areas.

Music, gambling and alcohol were to be banned for the day and theme park rides such as "Ripsaw", "Corkscrew" and "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" all segregated by sex.

There are a lot of ways to go in commenting on this.  I'll let you use your imagination.  Let's just say that having so many rules can't be much fun.  Dress code, approved food, prayer areas, no gambling, no music, no alcohol, no fraternizing.  I tell you, that's no walk in the park.

Then we have the loss of some treasured Elvis memorabilia.

Dog destroys Elvis' teddy bear at museum

LONDON - A guard dog has ripped apart a collection of rare teddy bears, including one once owned by Elvis Presley, during a rampage at a children's museum.

"He just went berserk," said Daniel Medley, general manager of the Wookey Hole Caves near Wells, England, where hundreds of bears were chewed up Tuesday night by the 6-year-old Doberman pinscher named Barney.

Barney ripped the head off a brown stuffed bear once owned by the young Presley during the attack, leaving fluffy stuffing and bits of bears' limbs and heads on the museum floor. The bear, named Mabel, was made in 1909 by the German manufacturer Steiff.

Barney, man, you ain't nothin' but a hound dog.  Makes me want to put a chain around your neck and leave, not lead, you anywhere.  A lion or tiger wouldn't play that rough.  I've got to say, you ain't no friend of mine.

Ode To A Japanese Steakhouse

(With apologies to real poets everywhere)

Salivating with anticipation
Settled upon cushioned perches
Eager to experience delights
Of a dinner fare 'extraordinaire'

And then, spied, away, a
Choice ne'er before revealed
Hidden from my roving eyes
"Where have you been, my sweet?"

Entertaining? Superb!
Sitting, smiling, mesmerized
Flashing blades, theatrical flair
Such sights to behold! Then

Ah, the meats, each morsel
Succulent and sweet, my hungry
Maw devouring each with
Reverence for flavors released

Bravo! A meal of substance and style
A treat delivered to grateful
Patrons, out for celebration
Then home sated, happy, until

Troubles followed, with unrest
Of a variety most foul
To sleep, perchance to dream, nay
'As a dog'  - not for the vilest cur

Lessons learned in starkest
Reality often impress the deepest
An eatery such as this is
No place for lobster tails.

Heh!

Now I've got to figure out why I'm being kept out of the loop.

Parody, Parody, No Escaping Parody

First there was Pat Curley's The Night Before Fitzmas.  Now there's Mr. Right's brilliantly titled Ms. American Spy.  Enjoy.

Heartless

Osama Bin Laden could have stepped up.  He could have given his testimony at trial.  He could have saved his underling from undeserved hatred and punishment.  In short, he could have done the right thing.

But no.  Instead, he lets Zacarias Moussaoui, a brother in arms, dangle.  Bin Laden lets him sweat through a guilty plea for conspiring to attack the United States on September 11, 2001.  He lets him fidget nervously awaiting either a death sentence or life in a rather unpleasant prison without chance for parole.  He lets him confess to being a part of the plan and receiving punishment for it before coming out and relating the truth.  If only, if only he'd told the truth sooner.  If only.

An Internet audio tape attributed to Osama bin Laden said Tuesday that Zacarias Moussaoui _ the only person convicted in the U.S. for the Sept. 11 attacks _ had nothing to do with the operation.

"He had no connection at all with Sept. 11," bin Laden said.

"I am the one in charge of the 19 brothers and I never assigned brother Zacarias to be with them in that mission," he said, referring to the 19 hijackers on Sept. 11, 2001.

Bin Laden said Moussaoui's confession that he helped plan the attacks was "void," calling it the result of "pressures exercised against him during four and a half years" in U.S. prison.

Bastard.

Of course, if you believe the message above you'll also have to give up any suspicion that 9/11 is a George Bush-authored conspiracy, for Bin Laden does admit that he "assigned" the mission.  You choose.

5/24/06 1310: I know what you're thinking.  There couldn't possibly be that many people who doubt the origin of the attacks on 9/11.  Well, think again.

The Lighter Side Of The Democrat Security Plan

Here are a couple of humorous looks at the Democrat Security Plan, on which they apparently plan to run this fall, from Iowahawk and Wuzzadem.  Funny stuff.

Seriously, though, or maybe not really all that seriously, we're coming up on the 5th anniversary of 9/11, and the Democrats are just now coming up with a world terrorism security plan?  What took you?  And that plan still insists on "redeployment" of troops out of Iraq as if that conflict was the big mistake/lie they have insisted it is all along, ignoring the recently translated documents increasingly showing connections between Saddam and Al Qaeda, and also ignoring the plight of the Iraqi people that may well follow a "redeployment?"

His counterpart in the House, Rep. Nancy Pelosi (news, bio, voting record), D-Calif., said the Democrats are offering a new direction — "one that is strong and smart, which understands the challenges America faces in a post 9/11 world, and one that demonstrates that Democrats are the party of real national security."

As Haden told Jack Cates in 48 Hours, "just because you say it with conviction don't make it so."

My First (And Last) Brief Conversation With My Failing Septic System

(With apologies, an homage to Jeff Goldstein)

Me: So, after only this brief time, you're leaving?  And without so much as a goodbye?

SS:

Me: You're damn right I'm angry.  I've given you everything I have, and this is the thanks I get?

SS:

Me:

SS: Well, the grass is greener, and all that, you know.

More Evidence That Men Are Shallow

But, the thing is, we really don't care that we're shallow.  Pizza?  Beer?  Free?  We're there!

OMAHA, Neb. - Mike Galaska does not like to shop. He doesn't like the crowds or spending money. It's for women, he says. But pizza and beer? He can handle that.

Galaska, 48, of Bellevue, Neb., was among the hundreds of men who came out for men's night at Omaha jewelry store Borsheim's this week, which uses free pizza and beer to counteract the otherwise intimidating notion of buying jewelry.

Never, ever, turn down a free meal.  Especially if it's pizza and beer.  Attractive women in skimpy clothes also work well.

Stores hold functions tailored specifically to men and increasingly women, who are often encouraged to fill out wishlists to make shopping easier for men. Saks Fifth Avenue brought in Playboy centerfolds to act as men's personal shoppers earlier this month in New York. Centerfolds aside, men's night outs are also being held at shopping malls around the country...

Of course, there are the toys...

The Alfred Dunhill store in London features classic motorcycles, model planes and a humidor, while an Armani store in Milan has video games in the basement...

the sports...

By putting so much effort into making shopping fun again — which can be as simple as adding more chairs to a shopping area or leaving a football game on television...

the booze and models.

Designer Nicole Miller's 18 boutiques across the country have been holding their own men's nights for years, featuring cocktails and modelesque saleswomen in evening wear who often know the men's wives and what they want.

It's really not that difficult a puzzle.  We know what we like, and we're fairly monolithic.  Free food and beer, models in skimpy clothes, cars/trucks/motorcycles, and sports and games.  Go for it, ladies.

12/17/05 0815: Wizbang's COTT XXXXII.

12/17/05 1415: Guys, since you're headed for the jewelry store or boutique for the free pizza and beer, you might as well know what to buy.

Just Remember, It's For The Children

Because the future of our nation lies in the smallest hands, you must, you shall, do your duty and vote!

Click the image, Vote 'Joust', and rest easy tonight, knowing that you have done all you could.

Because The US Won't Join Kyoto?

Pollution in Tehran is toxic enough that 1600 people Iranians recently were treated for smog-related illnesses, an over 5000 die there annually.

More than 1,600 people have been taken to hospitals in Tehran as pollution in the Iranian capital reaches critical levels, health officials have said.

Hospitals have reported increased cases of heart attacks and breathing problems, while many residents are complaining of fatigue and headaches.

Public offices and schools have been closed in an attempt to reduce traffic, and clear the city's blanket of smog.

Authorities have warned of thousands of casualties if pollution levels persist.

[...]

Authorities have blamed the severe smog on emissions from the capital's three million cars, many of which lack modern exhaust filters.

At the Montreal Conference,

Jennifer Morgan, climate-change expert for environmental group WWF, said US negotiator Harlan Watson's decision to leave the talks overnight showed "just how willing the US administration is to walk away from a healthy planet and its responsibilities".

She added "It's obvious America's to blame.  These deaths would be preventable if only they'd agree to crush their economy.  All the other nations are chipping in and dramatically reducing emissions.  Oh, and if GM would give Iran 3 million modern cars."

Former President Bill Clinton echoed, calling Bush "flat wrong" for worrying about injuring the American economy and exclusion of China and India from the treaty.  "I don't care if the Senate voted 95-0 against Kyoto while I was President, and with 3 years left in my term I did nothing to push for it. I've since done my own research in my spare time, while personally aiding millions of tsunami victims, and

"there is no longer any serious doubt that climate change is real, accelerating and caused by human activities.

Besides, I can undermine the sitting Republican President on foreign soil, so this is a two-fer for me."

12/10/05 1500: Linked to Wizbang's COTT XXXXI.  Wizbang's Kevin Aylward is the founder of the Weblog Awards, where you could, you know, go vote for one of the finalists, if you like.

12/10/05 1610: Stop The ACLU is also up for a Weblog Award, and mentioned favorably here.

12/10/05 1900: This story covered at Newsbusters, somewhat more seriously, where they point out the part of the story left out when CBS reported it, a part that Fox News did add.

As recounted by Jim Angle during Friday night's "Grapevine" segment on FNC's Special Report with Brit Hume, in July of 1997, "the Senate voted 95-0 against even considering the treaty and warned President Clinton not to even send it up to them, saying the United States shouldn't sign anything that would, quote, 'result in serious harm to the economy of the United States.'" Angle added, "As a result, President Clinton never submitted the Kyoto treaty for ratification."

Furtive Glances

(Modified to account for other links)

• From the turgid pen of Iowahawk, all the news that fits.  Personally I'm concerned quite a bit with the economic damage from the Plame Game.  I know it's really slowed the activity in our office.  And you level 3 offenders?  Be very careful wielding that Pledge of Allegiance, okay...
• California Conservative is running the "Carnival of Arnold" regarding tomorrows referendum on the Governator's ballot propositions.  Check it out.  More here.
• Captain Ed discusses the testimony of a "doctor" who thinks killing a few humans worth it if some animals can be saved.  Well, they're not innocent lives.  Right.
• Did you hear?  An anti-war Iraq vet Marine is a fraud.  Well, at least he didn't describe the fictional atrocities as "reminiscent of Ghengis Khan."

How Should Libby Be Punished?

Given that his indictments are for obstruction and perjury of an investigation into a non-crime, and given the relatively lenient sentence administered to Sandy "I've got classified documents in my pants, stolen from the National Archives" Berger, I'd like to know, what would be an appropriate punishment for Mr. Libby?

I run into this question all the time when dealing with the much more serious crimes of sister-blaming and stray crayon marks on the walls.  What is a fair but just punishment, should he be found guilty?  What punishment will make it far more likely that other government officials will hesitate to step into these murky waters in the future?

I'll get the ball rolling with a few suggestions:

• A romantic dinner for two each Friday evening for the next two years with the lovely Helen Thomas.
• Sailing and navigation lessons off Hyannis from Sen. Ted Kennedy.
• A year of research in the Clinton Presidential Library - Little Rock, Arkansas - learning how to undermine a special prosecutor, and enlightening himself about what the Bush 43 presidency could have been.

Any other suggestions?  Let me know.  Please note that this is categorized as "humor/satire."

10/29/05 1020: We need more entries!  Linked to Wizbang's COTT XXXV.  And Stop The ACLU.