Not Enough Socialists

Today's Boston Globe carries a column by HBO talkman Bill Maher.  Ordinarily I think Mr. Maher is one of the least funny funny men in the public eye, but today, I've got to tell you, he was screamingly funny.  You see, the problem with America, and with Congress in particular, was identified by Mr. Maher.  There just aren't enough socialists.

Let's not delude ourselves into thinking that this election brought new thinking to Washington. It didn't. It brought Democrats, who are often just Republicans slowed down a step by a sense of shame. But they're not revolutionaries, and they're not really diverse.

Oh, Congress looks like America -- we've got blacks, Asians, Hispanics, and whatever else is in Barack Obama. But diversity of thought? There's exactly one socialist, and when it comes to "faith" -- I bet there's not even one who wouldn't profess the greatest of piety. Except Nancy Pelosi, she's a freak. You know -- "San Francisco values." Right, like 66-year-old grandmother of five Nancy Pelosi is some raving, twig-eating Marxist ideologue. If only she were. If we actually had the occasional far left hippie in Congress to balance out all the legion of loonytoons on the far right -- but outside of Ralph Nader and Dennis Kucinich, there isn't a far left in America. Nancy Pelosi isn't going to try to legalize drugs or socialize hospitals or really tax gasoline or tell the Pentagon to cut its bloated, corrupt budget.

It's been quite a while since I laughed this long and this hard.  My sides hurt.  Bill, you kill me.  Nancy Pelosi doesn't want to socialize hospitals, and can't be a leftist simply because she's a 66 year old grandmother?  She doesn't want to cut the Defense budget?  Other than Ralph Nader and Dennis Kucinich no other leftists in America?  Only one socialist in Congress is a problem?  And if only there were more openly atheist Congressmen, that would be a start!

And Mr. Maher thinks the solution is a new Constitution (unless he's joking about that also - it's kinda hard to tell).

If we were really looking for a new direction, we'd not just change Congress, we'd have another Constitutional Convention, as Jefferson suggested we do...He himself was saying, "I'm a bright guy, but even I can't foresee the iPod." Or the assault rifle.

[...]

Listen to Jefferson -- he was saying, "We're smart guys, we're not Nostradamus." We deal with things today no founding father could have imagined -- the Internet, global warming. Toilet paper, instead of bark...

How about this: You can own any gun you want, as long as it works on technology developed before 1787. This is what conservatives call "original intent,"

That's just what we need, socialists to save us from modern difficulties like the IPod and toilet paper by rewriting the Constitution.  You know, sometimes the best laughs are the ones you least expect.

Comments

[Casey Miller]

Democrats are not loose republicans. They have ideas that are dangerous to our country. In case you forgot, you do live in a country -- you are not independently self existent. Liberals aka democrats do want to reduce our rights. Do you have any money in your pocket right now? A democrat, somewhere, says that at least 15 percent of it belongs to the government. In case you didn't notice, the money in your pocket is only a portion of what you earned. How do you like that? You worked X hours for X dollars an hour. You should have X*X dollars. But you don't. You have (X*X)-taxes. You thought you were working for your employer, but you're not. You are an involuntary government worker. Republicans don't like that. Democrats invented it.
By the way, democrats hate slavery. By my reckoning, working for money and having it taken away without my permission is either robbery or slavery. Democrats call it taxes. Either way it's robbery or slavery.